On the search for creativity

October 17, 2012

At one point or another I have been a thinker, a risk-taker, a smart ass, a kiss ass, and a bore. On the search for creativity, I have questioned everything. Twice. I’ve been envious of effortlessness, hostile with authority, and cautious about the unknown. I have miscalculated. I have looked for perfection but have not found it. I have been hard on others but harder on myself. There have been quite a few times when I have cut too deep.

Punishment for setting the bar impossibly high has been fear of the ordinary. For as long as I have sought creative endeavors, this notion has driven a knife through my gut.

I have spent most of my life trying to find the better part of myself. I have chased it like a ghost. Wrestled it in my sleep. I believed I had it cornered at least a dozen times, but on each occasion it has laughed and escaped out the window.

I have failed. I have lost sleep. I have unlocked creativity and spilled it on the floor. I have unlocked creativity and lost it under the couch cushions.

In the end, I agreed over a steaming hot bowl of mussels––with a lover or a friend or a colleague or an acquaintance––that it doesn’t matter anyway. Not on the plate, on the notepad, or on the computer screen. The search for creativity is a crooked line. If you’re committed to wrestling it down, you have to be willing to bump your head.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Ann October 17, 2012 at 7:16 am

Beautifully written!

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Stephanie October 17, 2012 at 7:29 am

I’ve read this about 6 times already! Beautiful and graciously written!

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Karen October 17, 2012 at 7:54 am

Love this! Sometimes creativity is a warm, fuzzy friend that fills the day with gentle purpose. Mostly, though, it’s an ass-busting taskmaster.

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steph October 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Simply some of the best writing I’ve ever seen. Nice job, my friend. You managed to capture it and articulate it perfectly (and creatively!). Not an easy feat. Love it!!

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Courtney October 17, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Gah! I don’t know about that, but thank you.

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DGW October 18, 2012 at 6:10 am

Humility trumps almost any other character trait. Especially when it honors other people. It is hard to maintain. We too often slip it into a bag and sit on the bag. You have captured the essence, but it should not feel like failure. The danger with creativity is when we believe we are the only ones who have it. But you do have it and it is fun to see how it slips out of your fingertips onto a computer screen or a canvas or a conversation.

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Mary January 3, 2013 at 6:05 am

Just checking in to blog and found this waiting for me. To DGW thank you. Humility has served me well. Courtney thank you for the catylist of your creative life.

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